Monday, 23 January 2012

Wash Day...........

Now, this is really a cute one. . . .and

I've not seen it before, either!! That is
Getting to be a rarity!!!
Lord, help me wash away all my selfishness and

Vanity, so I may serve you with perfect humility
Through the week ahead.
Ironing Day  
Dear Lord, help me iron out all the wrinkles
Of prejudice I have collected through the years

So that I may see the beauty in others.
Mending Day  
O God, help me mend my ways so I will not
Set a bad example for others.

Cleaning Day
Lord Jesus, help me to dust out all the many faults

I have been hiding in the secret corners of my heart.
Shopping Day
O God, give me the grace to shop wisely so I may purchase eternal happiness for myself and all others

 In need of love.
Cooking Day
Help me, my Savior, to brew a big kettle of brotherly

Love and serve it with clean, sweet bread of human kindness.
The Lord's Day    
O God, I have prepared my house for you. Please

Come into my heart so I may spend the day and the
Rest of my life in your presence.







Due to the current economic situation, all domestic rules and regulations have been revised as below and under no circumstance is any violation going to be accepted.

1. The Kitchen and all pantries are declared Restricted Zones. Entry and/or passage shall require express permission from myself upon submission of written request.

2. Breakfast is banned. This matter cannot be discussed!

3. Such food items as rice, chicken, butter, jam, eggs, bread and milk are Restricted. Anyone intending to eat any of such foodstuffs must write to me in triplicate, with three days notice, giving justifications backed by a qualified dietrician report as supportive documentation.

4. Watering with hoses is banned. Further, only food-giving plants shall be watered. No lawns or flowers shall receive water. For internal decoration, only plastic and dry-flower arrangements shall be permitted.

5. Bathing in the morning is limited to 5 litres of water per day per person while bathing in the evening is banned unless there are medical reasons.

6. All security lights should be removed with immediate effect. All dependants shall abide by an all-night guard-duty roster I shall make available shortly.

7. No dependant shall entertain friends indoors, far less attempt to offer food, drinks or even music. Those who want their guests to listen to music shall sing for them.

8. No one is allowed to talk to officials from police, Council or Court Bailiffs; doing so shall carry an instantaneous penalty of ejection from The House.

9. Anybody who breaks a glass, furniture or any other property in The House, shall immediately have to seek temporary employment somewhere to earn money to replace such broken item(s).

10. All visitors intending to spend a night/week or more shall apply in triplicate and give two months notice, with an endorsement from their town Mayor, Village Headman or Church Priest, giving convincing reasons why they can't stay at their homes. Failure to do this shall result in their being turned away, at the gate, upon arrival

ONLY IN JAPAN   !!!!!!










 1. You unwrap all your gifts carefully, so that you can re-use the
ping paper.

 2. You call a person you've never met before uncle or aunt.
 3.   More than 90% of the music CD's and cassettes in your home are illegal copies

 4. Your garage is always full of stuff because you never throw anything away, just in case you need it someday.(a gum boot without a partner and the baby walker - baby's now 12 and you are 48)

 5. You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottle
s from your stays at hotels. (Gocool, Sweet heart, African pride....)

 6. You almost always carry overweight baggage when travelling by plane.

 7. If a store has a limit on the quantity of a
product, then each member of the family will join separate queues to purchase the maximam quantity possible. (sugar, soap, rice, cooking fat etc etc during old good days)

 8. All children have annoying nicknames.

 9. Nobody in your family informs you that they are coming over for a visit (uncle, wife, sis-in-law, two nephews and a neighbor)
, but have all camped at home.

 10. You stuff your pockets with mints and toothpicks at restaurants. ( Murray mints, wrappers, and salt shakers!)

 11. Your mother has a minor disagreement with her sister and does not talk to her for 10 years.

 12. You only make telephone calls at a cheaper rate at night (especially beepers).
 13. You have more than 20 people to meet you at the airport or see you off even if it is a local flight.

14. You keep changing your Internet Service Provide
r because the first month is free. (I know some people O!.....)

 15. Office supplies mysteriously find their way to your home.(Yes,
staple machine, office pins, punch machine, cello tapes, post-its, etc.)

 16. When you are young, your parents buy you clothes and shoes at least two sizes too big so that they would last longer.

Tuesday, 17 January 2012


               ( the advantage of working in more than one OFFICE !!!!!!!!!)
A wife said desperately to her husband: "Hello Honey!!
Where are u??"

The Husband answered confidently: "What!!
Where am I???...In the office of course!!"

Wife: "Are you sure you are at work???"

Husband: "Why, did something happen???"  
(See below)

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  Hmmm... wasnt she lucky that the man decided to work in a different office that day?

Saturday, 7 January 2012



A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization. Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Steve's Place,' and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?' 'Well, 'he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.' As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now. I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?' 'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%. I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?' 'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon'.

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, 'Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter.' Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars' One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.' To this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.' The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's fifty dollars.' Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!' Morris replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!'
A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.' The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.' The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands. The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again.  I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.' The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old. The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful should remember fairies are female.....

Thursday, 5 January 2012


  A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady 60 miles
> per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across
> at
> her and speaks in a clear voice. 'I know we've been married for twenty
> years, but I want a divorce.'
>        The wife says nothing, Keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly
> increases her speed to 65 mph. The husband speaks again. 'I don't want you
> to try and talk me out of it,' He says, 'because I've been having an
> affair
> with your best friend.
>        Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more
> tightly and slowly increases the speed to 75 He pushes his luck. 'I want
> the
> house,' he says insistently. ..
>        Up to 80. 'I want the car, too,' he continues.
>        85 mph. 'And,' he says, 'I'll have the bank accounts, all the
> credit
> cards and the boat!'
>        The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge.
> This makes him nervous, so he asks her, 'Isn't there anything you want?'
>        The wife at last replies in a quiet and controlled voice.
>        'No, I've got everything I need,' she says.
>        'Oh, really,' he inquires, 'so what have you got?'
>        Just before they slam into the wall at 85 mph,The wife turns to him
> and smiles. 'The airbag.'
>        Moral of the Story :
>        Women are crazy!!!!
>       Don't mess with them!!